Committing to being fully present

There are elements to gardening that sometimes seem tedious. Pushing a mower across the lawn in the heat of the summer when there's been a lot of rain and it feels like it was mowed just yesterday.  Weeding. Weeding that same patch you weeded earlier and then didn't get around to planting in.  Being late to plant in the spring because you didn't feel like digging the bed.  We recognise these habits. They happen every season.  We look out across our lawn and beat ourselves up because it's tatty.  

But often the reason these things recur in our lives is because 'bad' behaviour is safe.  We know the likely end point.  We know the lawn will grow ragged, yet we postpone. We procrastinate.  'Bad' behaviour is fear-based.  The alternative is choosing a new pathway.  Choosing means committing.

Committing to the lawn. Committing to the garden. Committing to moving and bending and breathing in the outdoor air. Committing to sweating in the heat and feeling our bodies respond to the activity.  Committing.  Committing means holding ourselves up to failure when we break our own standards. Committing means disappointment.  Committing means choosing and choosing means saying 'No' to other things in our lives.   

'Bad' behaviour is a form of escape.  Because it has a known outcome, we can coast along, not needing to be fully present. We need only repeat what we did previously.  Being fully present is hard enough when meditating. Living fully present is considerably more difficult.  When it becomes a habit, however, it is enormously enriching.  It forces us to engage in the moment. It requires us to face our fear, experience our fear, move through it.  It is not safe.

But living this way gives us gardens planted in time. It gives us compost heaps well filled with lawn clippings. It gives us healthier outcomes. The lawn will be no less difficult to mow. But doing so mindfully, we can look at the grass differently. We can feel satisfied as line of mowed grass advances. We can smell the soil of the bed we turn. Or smile at the layer of newspaper we lay over the top of the bed to smother out the winter growth, knowing the earthworms will turn the dieing plant matter in the darkness beneath.   

'Bad' behaviour robs us of living more fully.   Whatevever the habit is we're suffering, the sooner we call ourselves on the thin edge of the wedge, the easier it is to stop the slide.  Gym trainers will tell you that the hardest part to getting fit is getting out of bed.  'Bad' behaviour is little different. If you're putting off digging that bed, get out into the garden at the very least. Make a start. Even if you don't finish, the progress will be there tomorrow when you pick up where you left off. And at the end of the season, your tomatoes or whatever you planted will be your reward.